Everybody needs to feel safe sometimes. Wellingtons keep your socks safe from puddles and hats keep your head safe from pieces of falling sky. Alarms keep cars safe and fences keep houses safe and condoms keep your ovaries safe. But nothing plastic or felt or sonar or metal or latex will keep your soul safe.
Its ok though - that's Andrew's job.
Cosseted in dense wallpaper and filthy maroon carpeting, Lord Kitchener's Carvery is what your great granny's womb looked like a decade after menopause hit. Cracked, torn, burnt and sticky benches run the length of the walls, inhabited by Regulars and boring people and cool people who are only sitting down for a moment because its not cool to sit, its only cool to dance. The Regulars are cool. They're ready to Chat. They want you to be a Regular too. Actually, I want you to be a Regular too. There was one Regular - a woman (dyke), as far as i know her name was 'Tiz' - who wanted to know about where i jol. Yes, jol. At Kitchener's Carvery, you can't help but jol.
The comforting sour smell of the table cloths aside, the DJs were playing techno music.
The night kicked off with Yoji, whose new and young and doesn't play techno. Another time, Yoji.
For once i won't be ripping my literary panties about Data Takashi's set - because i (goddamn) missed it. I'm ashamed, I apologise, it won't happen again. The set was a delicate minimal one - that he's been inching toward for a while now - and a sample of the nice can be gleaned from this:
Burial and Four Tet - Moth (MediaFire)
Matthew Dear - Some New Depression (MediaFire)
to this:
Gui Boratto - Eggplant (MediaFire)
Minilogue - Animal (Luciano remix) (MediaFire)
I arrived a few minutes into andrw's set. Good Golly Gosh. He wrapped me up.
Pryda - Reeperbahn (MediaFire)
The Field - Frantic Flow (Thomas Fehlmann Remix) (MediaFire)
andrw's techno is beautiful like a clear icy mountain spring pooling between bleached white rocks is beautiful: like 13 year old girls who haven't caught on to their own beauty are beautiful: like little, very green things are beautiful. It is paranoid because perfection can't last - we all get born sometime. But for now, for right now, the grainy expulsion of amniotic fluid is irrelevant. You're safe in Great Granny's womb - you're safe at Andrew's party. To be fair, it makes the neon-noobies uncomfortable. Apparently, you can't dance to it; its too gentle, too pure, too constant in its foundations to bounce off and stomp on. What they brightly forget is that you don't need to dance to a full basin of fresh water - you can dance in it.
After the Revery came Sound Sensible, Offbeat and Dexterity. These last three mishmashed a bit in my mind, but certainly flipped the party switch. Although not strictly techno, if you didn't have your glasses on you might have been mistaken. It was electronic and tangible, for the most part smooth, for the most part active. Dexterity's clkk-y woooop-y crk-y slth-y beats and smooth operator jaw line saw some serious titty-twitching to a perfectly populated (not packed) dance floor, ending the night with a feeling something like - "let's do that again."
Luckily for the titty-twitchers, and those whose titties require twitching - as well as those who want to spend a night in-utero with andrw plinking kindly over your clean parts - Kitchener's Carvery Bar is ready for your dance moves. The first next party will be on the Fifth of June, so make sure you get that stain off your booty shorts in time.
Join the facebook group:
Kitchener's Carvery Bar
Join the party.
Be happier than you were before.
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